My Food Dysfunction

Thus is not about school, tech, or my job. This is thoughts about food.

I have a dysfunctional relationship with food. The outward display of that dysfunction is that I’ve been overweight most of my life and obese for most of my adult life. But that stems from an internal dysfunction around food. That dysfunction has many levels.

One level is as an American. 40% of Adults in America are obese. If you include overweight Americans in that, it jumps up to around 60-70% are overweight or obese. Being fat is the default position in America. That is a pretty clear indication that there is a systemic, nationwide issue with fat in America. There are issues of culture and policy that tip the scales of American’s collective levels of fat. Other countries do not have the same issues around obesity, though other countries may have other national problem. That national dysfunction would be enough to ensure me being overweight and obese.

However, this is about me. I have my own issues. I use food to gloss over a number of emotional issues.

I sooth my emotions through food. On bad days my brain wants to sooth itself with food. I had a bad day at work and I instinctively wanted to buy a milkshake. I caught myself and realized what I was doing. But my next choice was to think about buying pizza instead. It is something I am constantly working on.

I’ve gotten better at it, but I keep learning about additional layers. On bad days I don’t stop by Starbucks and drink and eat 800 calories of self -soothing, but I’ll stop by the grocery store to get a 12 pack of diet soda. Calorie-wise it is a better choice (though health-wise it may not be), but I realize the intent is the same. I’m still soothing my emotions through food.

There is more, but this is the one that is most clear in my head. I’m still working on the rest.

This weight loss journey I’ve been on, at its heart, has to be one of self-understanding. I can lower my calories and lose fat. I can learn more about nutrition. I can exercise and make my body fit. Until I understand more about what is going on underneath the surface there will be no long term changes.