I’ve been running into a problem (and I suffer from it as well) of people not asking for help.
I asked ChatGPT why people do not ask for help and I got the usual answers.
- Fear of being judged
- Fear of being a burden
- Lack of Trust
- Feeling you should do it on your own
- Stigma of asking for help
- Being unaware of resources
But, that list feels like an expression of the Fundamental Attribution Error. The Fundamental Attribution Error is
The fundamental attribution error refers to an individual’s tendency to attribute another’s actions to their character or personality, while attributing their behavior to external situational factors outside of their control.
THE FUNDAMENTAL ATTRIBUTION ERROR: WHAT IT IS & HOW TO AVOID IT
The subtext to the list is “if you did not fear, if you trusted more, if you knew more” you would ask for help.
Instead, think of it as a math/economics problem. Is asking for help cost-effective? Does the benefit outweigh the cost?
The benefits of help
- Time: I might save more time than it will take to do it myself.
- Quality: I might get a better outcome than if I do it myself.
The cost of help
- Time: I WILL spend time explaining or teaching how to solve the problem.
- Quality: The person MIGHT not give me the level of quality I need
On top of these two, the relative value of time can change. The actual time in the present is more valuable than potential time in the future.
In that light, not asking for help is reasonable.
For instance, when a staff member doesn’t ask for help, it may be because they calculate the short-term cost of seeking help to be higher than the potential long-term benefit. The staff member may need to spend time explaining the project and addressing any issues that arise, which can be more time-consuming than doing the project themselves. Furthermore, the downsides of seeking help are concrete and immediate, while the benefits are uncertain and may be ephemeral.
Notes For Kevin 